I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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