remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
