NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
