It's Friday. Sex?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
