Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You have to summon your inner elephant
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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