just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
