Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
