even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
