no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
