nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
