Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
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I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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