The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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