weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Randomize
