There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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