well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
