okay pat passed out under dana's car
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
