he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
cat food counts as protein by the way
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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