The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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