did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
