dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
