I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
