so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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