i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Randomize
