this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
