Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
