Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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