did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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