I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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