Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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