tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
