new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
