You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
