I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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