you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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