if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
