We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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