im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
