So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
