I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
