I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
