You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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