Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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