WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
