Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
