i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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