i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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