Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
