I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
