My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
