the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize