Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
