Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
