peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
