remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
