So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
