Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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