I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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