If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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