If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
