walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
