Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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