He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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