i jhust puked up my retainher.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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