I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
